Q: Dear Nurse, I have not had a good night’s sleep because I have to watch my husband at night. He gets up out of bed and pulls things out in the kitchen and dismantles things in the bathrooms. I am exhausted. Is there something practical I can do?
A: Here are a few tips: Try doing more stimulating activities during the day like showers or bathing in the mornings; exercise during the early day; the heaviest meal for lunch; limit naps; limit caffeine; have a bedtime routine like going to bed the same time every night and do something like reading to him out loud. Try setting the mood with relaxation music and low lights. This may help him sleep longer through the night. If he does get up at night, try the reading and soft music and calming tea.
There are medicines that can help with sleeping if his sleeping pattern becomes harmful to himself or you. Lack of sleep will increase agitation and other negative behaviours. If you have to use medication, I would only use it for two weeks and then slowly take him off of it. It depends on what the doctor is prescribing.
Remember to take a break for yourself. You need sleep as well. If you find that you are not getting enough sleep try to ask someone to stay with you at night and let them stay up with your husband so you can rest. There are families that take turns with care at night. This is an option too!
Q: Dear Ms.Posvar, My mum has dementia and she is not safe at home by herself. My siblings and I have hired help for her and she fires the help. She accuses them of stealing and says that they are mean to her. She is very paranoid and always looking for fault. We are not sure what to do with her.
A: This stage is always one of the most difficult. Your mum is going through lots of changes and doesn’t recognize them most of the time. She is taking pieces of the puzzle and not connecting the dots in sequence and that is because some of the pieces are missing. This is not her fault. I heard a cute story that I will share with you. Another family had a mom with Alzheimer’s and they too had hired someone for the fifth time to care for their mom. This person lasted at least five months before the mom fired her and told her to leave. The help had a little training so she cleverly packed up all her bags, told her she was sorry for upsetting her and walked out the door to the end of the block, came back after five minutes or so and knocked on the door. The mother opened it and said “oh it’s you, where have you been, there was an awful person here earlier.” And let her back in.
My point here is that the person with training understood that the mom’s emotion was serious and the caregiver respected her command to leave and was creative. When she came back she came back with a different demeanour.
Your hired help may have some dementia experience, but remember without on-going education, that experience is only for that time. Each person is different and unique. I myself continue with on-going education and I have years of experience with working with people with dementia, and what works for one person with dementia does not always work for the next person. The advantage that a trained dementia person has is they are aware of body language, they understand dementia world enough to be able to communicate with a person with dementia without force or agitating them and they keep learning. The same is for trained family caregivers, it is an on-going education process.
If your hired help is becoming frustrated and getting fired, it is time for more education. And don’t ignore any complaints from your mom about stealing and mistreatments. Investigate! nine times out of 10 it is their dementia, but the fact is that elder abuse is real. Sometimes it is awful people preying on your older adult family and sometimes it is lack of training from the caregiver. You as the primary caregiver are the best person to look after them and their rights.
Brainy quote: “When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems.” Stephen Covey
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