DEAR SANTA: Since Gorge Odlum bequeathed this holy grail Christmas column to me at The Crusader before departing on the River of No Return, I’ve begged you so-much every year for special annual Christmas gifts for special people, but with no reply from you. My ink ran dry, my typewriter broke-down — and now, my computer is acting-up.
But I remembered you again last year, when I started hearing Lucians talking louder about Christmas, especially after The Wise Man From The East dressed-up like you and gave Public Servants and Pensioners ‘a Christmas bonus’. And this year again, when The Lady in Red put 70 Red Roses aside (since August) and the Wise Man promised the whole country A VAT-Free Christmas.
As you know, Santa, Christmas has changed everywhere and nothing is like before.
However, for the past many Yuletide Seasons that you stayed away, Santa, Lucia gave us our own home-grown RED-NOSE RUDOLPH – and (sorry to tell you) he’s been giving more gifts than you. As if he wants to make true The Mighty Pelay song about ‘Every Day is Christmas’, he announcing gifts every month, like Christmas gone outa-style…
Public Servants and Pensioners and all government workers got Christmas Bonus and wage increases a second time and on Monday is Christmas VAT-Free Day, both coming one-behind-de-udder, almost like YON-DERRIERE-LOT, SAN CHILOTTE!
But in the meantime, Santa, I have ANOTHER BEGGING LIST this year, for TEN special gifts for TEN special people, for Christmas 2025.
Here’s my Wish List:
- PHILIP J. PIERRE: Santa, what do you give a man who’s already giving people everything like he has a secret GOOD VIBES FACTORY somewhere? I know he’s a MYSTERY MAN but as you know, he’s also a living man with red blood and feelings too. So, Santa, please give the LEADER OF THE PARTY IN POWER (P.I.P.) an everlasting LONG LIFE power-pack, eternally-powered by RED MOONS from East to West, North to South, to keep him ALWAYS ON-THE-GO AND ALWAYS GOOD-TO-GO!
- RAYNEAU GADJADHAR: Santa, I don’t know if you have anything else to add to Rayneau Gadjadhar’s CONCRETE AND INDUSTRIAL TOOLKIT, because, if he can finish IN ONE YEAR, a hospital it took NEARLY 19 YEARS for three governments to even start finishing, maybe you can also give Rayneau A THERMO-NUCLEAR LONG-LIFE BATTERY, to also keep him building HOSPITALS, HOTELS and HIGHWAYS…
- STEPHENSON KING: Santa, what do you give a rider of a Blue Northern Wave who dances over opponents like waltzing on a polished dance floor, or sailing down the BLUE DANUBE? Give Steve A RED ACCORDION to keep playing the YELLOW BRICK ROAD rhythms that keep his sunken YELLOW SUBMARINE sour-grapes suckers forever SINGING THE BLUES!
- RICHARD FREDERICK: Santa, THE MAN MANY LOVE TO HATE has (once again) won MORE LOVE IN THE BALLOT BOX than ever (by over-a-thousand counts) and, by given merit, also more to do in his SECOND COMING? Santa, I want you to give him an EMPOWERMENT TOOLBOX to box LOCAL GOVERNMENT into MID-TERM ELECTIONS, if only to bring MORE POWER TO THE PEOPLE.
- LISA JAWAHIR: And what, Santa, do you give a SUPER-KOOL LIL-LADY who kicked a Brawling Brat so-hard where it hurts-most that that he sounds like he got a KAKA-GLO since then? As Lucia’s FIRST WOMAN AGRICULTURE MINISTER, give her 16 of your biggest STOCKINGS OF RED SWEETS, enough to last even beyond GUY FAWKES Day.
- SHANDA LEE HARRACKSINGH: Santa, this YOUNG LADY IN RED, a DOCTOR MADE-IN-MICOUD from A NIGHT NURSE IN RED, has duly reminded the OCCUPYING EMPEROR that THE MOOD IS ALSO RED-ENOUGH in Micoud South to allow him to see HOW NAKED HE LOOKS in LUCIA’S mirror. Just give her what it’ll take, Santa, to make THE NURSE’S DOCTOR join the two Micouds – and with surgical precision!
- ALLEN CHASTANET: Believe me, Santa, I don’t really want any special gift for THE GOLDEN SPOON BOY this year, if only because he seems to prefer DASHING IN THE SNOW than spending time here with A DASHEEN CHRISTMAS IN DERRY-SO. So, Santa, just STRENGTHEN HIS WISDOM TEETH so he’ll be able to BITE THE BULLET HARDER– whichever what way he chooses – as his party’s LAST MAN STANDING!
- GUY JOSEPH: You know the guy will always say he needs NOBODY’S HELP to clean-up HIS OWN MESS! He learned THE HARD WAY that WHILE MONEY CAN WALK, IT CAN’T MOVE MOUNTAINS – and that, a little red mouse can eat any big barrel of yellow cheese. So, Santa, just-in-case of anything, just give the guy A HEARTICAL RED PACEMAKER…
- DOMINIC FEDEE: I don’t know what to ask you for a loud politician who so-liked VILLAGE TOURISM that he spent an entire term RAFTING FOR VOTES between two villages, only to be left STRANDED IN MIDSTREAM – YET AGAIN. Here’s what, Santa: Just show him some better OUTBOARD MOTORS to better ‘Johnson’ (speed-up) his floating career…
- ANDRE MATTHEWS & COMPANION CANDIDATE: I don’t know if they only have SAME SURNAMES, Santa, but instead of choosing A BROKEN KEY as their election symbol, they might have done better using A BICYCLE BUILT FOR TWO. But then, they might never even have heard the legendary song…
- THE UWP: As a by-product of THE MOTHER OF ALL LUCIAN PARTIES whose FOUNDING FATHER’S FACE is being ERASED in THE HOUSE THAT JOHN BUILT, all I want for members over the next five years, Santa, is A NATION-WIDE HUMBLE PIE MISSION and an equally-long lesson on WHY LUCIA’S SONS AND DAUGHTERS MUST ALWAYS ‘HONOUR THY MOTHER AND THY FATHER!’
And finally, as for you, Santa, CRAZY in T&T sang into my ear on a recent flight to Vigie that you’re ‘NO-LONGER LOOKING FOR A WIFE’, But, last I heard, Miss Tiny Winey still awaits you ‘Under the Coconut Tree’ at Marigot, where you last left her sipping your amazing Scandinavian Coco L’or Rum…
So, Santa, until you come again, do have some Steel-pulsed ‘Red, Red Wine’ for Christmas – a-la-carte and at any Tableau Rouge!
Early Bird