Letters & Opinion

SANTA’S MAILBAG 2020 — Lookout for Mr Claus in Mopo on Friday!

By Earl Bousquet

Dear Santa,

When I wrote My 2020 Christmas Wish List last year, neither of us imagined a Corona Christmas.

After all, Corona was still the name of a popular beer from Mexico. But now, even you under North Pole Lockdown.

Santa searching for signposts on his way to Iyanola 759, but not via Hewanorra: looking more like on his way to Mopo via Derriso. (PHOTO Credit: santaimagesonline.com)
Santa searching for signposts on his way to Iyanola 759, but not via Hewanorra: looking more like on his way to Mopo via Derriso. (PHOTO Credit: santaimagesonline.com)

Imagine Dat! You and Rudolph and the other Red-Nose Reindeers cannot even make your every-year whirlwind sky-riding tour of The World in One Day this year…

But things have changed a lot this year. Just imagine: some children actually don’t mind you not coming. You might call them ‘Tropical Scrooge Kids’, but they are rebelling (again) against waking-up every Christmas Morning realizing you only took toys, in secret while they were sleeping, to the same addresses.

Now, that’s never been fair, Santa. Every year, you bring MORE TOYS for the same children who already have…

So, with the world under Christmas lockdown this week and the manger in Bethlehem still under Forever Occupation, how will Jesus spend his 2020th birthday on Friday? Observing Social Distancing in Heaven too? With No birthday breakfast with Mother Mary? And No Christmas lunch with His Disciples? And preventing friends from kissing his hands while wishing him ‘Happy Birthday’?

Same thing here, Santa. Due to COVID I cannot have No Christmas lunch with my Mum. But at least her old Poto Legliz neighbours can attend Midnight Mass online  tonight, which is the new COVID way of going to church these days — without leaving home…

But don’t let COVID-19 hold you back for Christmas 2020, Santa. Instead, I think you should take the break offered by the Helena Tourism people and sail down to Iyanola for your first-ever Christmas holiday?

Yes Santa, X-Mas 2020 in Iyanola. (And you don’t really have to bring Mrs Claus…)

Truth be told, Santa, the guy at TWO-FOR-SEVEN Studios let the cat out of your Christmas Mailbag several months ago, when they started singing about ‘Looking for Snow in Derriso’, “even saying that if there’s no snow in Derriso, they’ll take a look in Monripo – and if they don’t get snow there, they’ll change course and head further south to Pierro”.

I must also confess, Santa, that I also saw a photo of you posted on the popular Lien Douce Chat Room (our version of what you will call ‘a tropical information grapevine’…).

Yes, I must say that photo of you on the back of a little motor cycle without your sack and with just a few gifts behind your back is very reveling.

The guys said too that Jimmy Coco Snow told them he actually ‘saw some snow between Monripo and Derryso’, but he ‘cannot well remember which side of the road…’

Normally Santa, nobody would believe ‘Coco’ if he said he saw anything, because his eyes always see different from ours.

But when Jericho and Ma Dembo both said they too ‘saw snow by Ma Popo’ on that same day, Mikoo people started realizing their own Santa Shas was really planning a visit for you — and planting Canadian snow in advance, in both Derriso and Monripo.

Now, Santa, I have booked a room (for me alone) at 759 Studio Apartments in Mopo, so I will see for myself what a difference 2020 Christmas has made in your life.

Until then, ‘Wash your Hands’ and observe all the other protocols. But, for your own sake – and ours — just Don’t Stay Home on Christmas Day.

Why? Because, by your standards, that would simply amount to a most impolite, if not grotesque, display of Bad Diplomatic X-Mas Protocol – and by this time in 2021, people can be celebrating Kwanzaa – Lucian Style in revenge, which will definitely force you into early retirement, with or without a Mexican Corona!

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