WE often question whether we should believe allegations of sexual assault made by children against people we know. Too often we believe the best course of action is to bask in ignorance and denial. For many, the idea that a child is lying about sexual abuse is easier to accept than the alternative. Why would a child who comes forth with these allegations be telling the truth about being sexually abused? Why would they know as much as they do about sexual intercourse and what was done to them if it were not true?
Giving a child who comes forth with allegations of abuse the benefit of the doubt doesn’t happen often enough. More often than not they are threatened by their abuser and bullied by those they choose to confide in. We add to their feelings of fear, insecurity and shame by insisting they are lying or by demanding they keep this to themselves. We effectively send the message that we don’t believe our children and are instead willing to take the word of the abuser. We prefer to choose the easy path and pretend that nothing happened. Ask yourself where a young child gets the intimate knowledge of sexual activities? One may say that children today are exposed to so much more and while that may be the case, there is a difference between guessing or speaking about what is seen and knowing how something feels or how it is done.
As parents and guardians of a child, it is your job to know the signs of abuse, it is your job to be skeptical of anyone you choose to leave your child with, but most importantly it is your job to do everything to protect your child. Don’t assume something like this will not happen to your child; don’t assume you know someone well enough to swear they will not commit this crime. A sexual predator doesn’t have a sign indicating his proclivities. It appears hard to accept the fact that someone you know may be a sexual predator but know that the majority of sexual abuse is carried out by someone known to you. Know that the likelihood of your child being molested by a family member, family friend, neighbour, teacher, is much higher.
While there are false allegations made each allegation should be investigated; each child should be given the benefit of the doubt. Sexual abuse changes a child’s life, it isn’t something they fabricate on their own. As parents, it is your job to know the signs of abuse, it is your job to know what to look for when your child has been sexually assaulted. Children react after they have been abused. As a parent you should know what signs to look for.
Sexual Abusers feel secure in committing their crimes because of the taboo nature of sexual assault. They feel secure in continuing to abuse knowing they will get away with it because society feels more comfortable ignoring than facing and addressing this issue. We owe it to the innocent members of society; our children, to ensure they are protected. We fail to understand that abuse damages the individual. Do we want to raise a nation of broken individuals? Do we want to continue to let sexual abusers walk freely? I implore you to take the time to know the signs of abuse, learn your children and inquire when you feel something is off. You are the protectors of your children, they depend on you; make it your duty to have the relationship where they can speak to you openly. They should be able to come to you when they are afraid.
Sexual abuse will not disappear. We have to find a way to address it. We have to advocate and support the survivors. We have to demand that sexual abusers are punished. It takes a great deal of strength for anyone who has survived sexual assault to come forward; let us work toward creating an environment that makes them feel comfortable in coming forward. Our statistics show that sexual assault isn’t a great problem on island; but the numbers very rarely reflect the true nature. Creating an open and supportive environment will allow more survivors to feel comfortable coming forth.
We started conducting a study on sexual assault with the hope of gauging how often it occurs, how often people tell and what they want to see done, among other things. We thank those of you who have come forward to speak with us thus far. For those of you willing to speak with us feel free to call or email and we will give you further information on the study and when it will be restarted. We are also looking for volunteers who are interested in becoming victim advocates; please feel free to contact us with any questions you may have. This is only the beginning; together we will make a difference.
We would like to serve as the safe place that you can come to seek support and validation through your healing process. We understand that this is a big step that not everyone is ready to make yet, we completely understand. Don’t be hard on yourself, when you are ready we will be here. For those of you who are ready, please feel free to call, text or email us. We at PROSAF are always here to listen and support you. Feel free to contact us via the information below.
Remember you are not alone. You are strong and brave. You will get through your healing process but it takes time and patience. We are here to help and listen. Feel free to contact us if you ever need a place to offload or vent. We are available for group and individual counselling.
Yours incerely,
SouyenneDathorne, Velika Lawrence
Email: [email protected] – [email protected]
Facebook: SURVIVING SEXUAL AB– USE IN THE CARIBBEAN: https://www.facebook.com/pages/PROSAF-Surviving-Sexual-Abuse-in-the-Caribbean/165341356853908