COCKY, STOCKY & STAFFY was a weekly satirical Saturday column in The Crusader newspaper in the turbulent 1970s and 1980s, reflecting conversations on a Castries bridge between supporters of the three political parties of the day (UWP, SLP and PLP) on the happenings of the week just-ending. Penned by late Crusader publisher George Odlum, the column has continued annually by veteran journalist Earl Bousquet, who was also Crusader’s Editor. Following is his 2025 year-end edition of what Cocky, Stocky and Staffy’s latest conversation would have sounded like from the mouths of SLP Founder leader George F.L. Charles, UWP Founding Leader John G.M. Compton and PLP Founder Leader George Odlum:
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COCKY: Well, my brothers, with our Everlasting Breaths of Life out here since leaving that Planet of Earthly Fire below us, it’s good to meet again, up aloft…
STOCKY: Yes, it’s been a long time and I’ve been waiting… Christmas came and the Black Santa from The East really put money into everyone’s Red Stockings with Raise-of-Pay, Back-pay, Bonus-pay and ALL KINDA PAY – even VAT-FREE PAYDAY…
STAFFY: Brothers, there’s no clock and therefore no time here where we are right now – and PHILOSOPHICLLY-SPEAKING, there is no ‘We’ or ‘Us’ or ‘Them’ anymore… We’ve been disconnected from that universe and rewired to the clouds… ‘DETACHED’ is the word…
COCKY: Well, Staffy, as per usual, YOU’RE DEAD WRONG, because we have NO ‘FILOSOF’ up here either…
STOCKY: You right, Cocky, the only philosophy back home now is: ‘Putting People First! That’s bringing Labour’s original motto of Bread, Freedom and Justice to the table for all the people.
STAFFY: Brothers, we are merely eternal observers looking down from an upper world, but our memories are still wired to Sweet Helen…
COCKY: We all have good memories… We did much good too, and earlier than you…
STOCKY: Yes, y’all always put PROJECTS BEFORE PEOPLE, but we always do PROJECTS FOR THE PEOPLE…
STAFFY: Again, my brothers, there is no ‘MEMORY’ here, we are only watching history glide pass, unable to influence its course… And we’ve seen how Labour comes-and-goes like flashes-in-a pan… HERE TODAY, GONE TOMORROW…
STOCKY: Well, Staffy, by your own earthly theory, there’s also NO HISTORY here either, so we should continue observing how what we left behind is changing so fast…
STAFFY: It’s the Age of Climate Chane down there… That’s how the world we left is unfolding…
STOCKY: Below us? What’s happening there these days is ABOVE ALL OF US… And is not only Climate Change, we also have a lot of regime change these days…
COCKY: Yes, and we were also part of that change, so the country belongs to all of us…
STAFFY: Not anymore, though… What we see down there is A Red Dictatorship. However, NO DICTATORSHIP IS GOOD! Everything is painted red-all-over. So, how good is that for TRANSPARENCY and DEMOCRACY?
STOCKY: But Staffy, IS NOT WE who painted Santa Claus and Christmas Red… And besides, Looshans painted the whole parliament RED AGAIN, with only one yellow on the floor… But, you and Cocky only know about things like ‘Democracy’ and ‘Transparency’ WHEN Y’ALL IN OPPOSITION…
COCKY: We only won one seat, but WHEN YOU ADD OUR VOTES, we still have THOUSANDS of supporters…
STOCKY: And you’ll need A THOUSAND-TIMES-MORE to prevent us from WINNING ALL THE MARBLES next time…
STAFFY: Except, what’s being played-out these days isn’t marbles anymore, especially when THE ODDS AREN’T EVEN in this equation…
STOCKY: Well, DEY already playing marbles between them… Look dey proposing for the KOKO-LORUM to replace the KOKO-PALMER, instead of DE GUY, who was the MAIN ADVISOR to THEIR EMPEROR…
COCKY: Shut-up, Stocky. You want to sound like Staffy, but ALVA The Baptist is doing a much-better job down there…
STAFFY: Let’s get Back to the Basics, Brothers, we’re discussing TODAY IN PARADISE!
STOCKY: So, at least you agree LOOSHANS LIVING IN PARADISE UNDER LABOUR TODAY…
STAFFY: I never said that… READ MY WORDS carefully, please…
STOCKY: Well, like you forget that all we can read up here is THE WIND — and it’s BLOWING FROM THE EAST…
COCKY: Well? Let’s follow the wind…
STAFFY: That would be disastrous… It’s the-other-way around… The wind must be BEHIND US and IN OUR SAILS…
STOCKY: Well, it’s been in our sails since 2021 and BLOWING STRONGER in 2025, until 2030, when we’ll make A CLEAN SWEEP!
STAFFY: But you can only sweep clean with a new broom…
STOCKY: YOU WRONG AGAIN, Staffy, because any Looshan can tell you that NEW BROOMS CANNOT SWEEP CLEAN…
COCKY: But honestly, is like our old broom JUST CANNOT SWEEP AGAIN…
STAFFY: Reinforces my point… you need A BRAND-NEW BROOM!
STOCKY: But dey already stuck with A BAD BRAND OF BUSH BROOM… Now dey need A BETTER BROOMSTICK…
COCKY: Who we choose to lead us IS OUR BUSINESS! We cannot keep the leader we have, but WHO WILL PAY THE BILLS? Where will we hold our meetings?
STAFFY: You sound like NOSTALGIA is getting the better of you, Stocky… WE WERE THERE, but NOW WE’RE HERE…
STOCKY: Yes, WE WERE THERE with 16-1 in 1997 and again in 2025… And the way things looking, IT’S LIKE WE’RE HERE TO STAY!
COCKY: We just have to REWIND AND COME BACK BETTER AGAIN… We did it before so we can always do it again…
STAFFY: There’s no COMING BACK AGAIN, we just have to KEEP MOVING ON, FORWARD EVER!
STOCKY: From the last two elections results, it looks like for you-all, is ONLY BACKWARD-EVER!
COCKY: Dis time around, Dey have TOO MANY YOUNG PEOPLE in the government and they BOUND TO make mistakes… NO QUALIFICAIONS AND NO EXPERIENCE. The OLD HEADS ALREADY TIRED, but getting more work… IS A RECIPE FOR DISASTER!
STOCKY: Y’all predicted our Cabinet would not have survived, but the man you most love to hate proved himself serious-enough to be reappointed…
COCKY: Well, just wait until the New Year starts to better see more. GOODNIGHT!