HOURS after gunmen brazenly killed, Jahiem Papius of Babonneau, and critically injured another man, near Derek Walcott Square in Castries, a group of 36 young men (mentees) assembled in the conference room of the National Skills Development Centre (NSDC), for an interactive session with their mentors.
The mood at this event, which was organized by the Our Boys Matter (OBM) programme of the Saint Lucia Social Development Fund, (SSDF) and which coincided with International Men’s Day, contrasted sharply with the recalled deadly shooting incident. The latter brought despair, while the former engendered hope.
There will be times when we will not have effective solutions for our problems. Frustratingly, there are times when obvious solutions are before us, yet we ignore them. One hopes the OBM does not suffer this fate.
The OBM has its raison d’etre in several, linked, and familiar challenges that afflict boys, such as poverty, hunger, living in dilapidated homes and unseemly neighbourhoods, fatherlessness, high rates of juvenile delinquency, and the growing presence and attraction of gangs. It’s also thought that declining levels of educational achievement, a lack of employable skills and unpreparedness of young men for work, are primarily because students are being forced to take on academic subjects that do not interest them; and are not in areas they are passionate about.
Since it was established seven years ago, the OBM has helped to boost the employability of participants. It has given them a desire to set achievable goals for themselves. This, in turn, has helped to motivate participants and given them a sense of achievement. Additionally, the OBM has helped to keep young boys who are contemplating dropping out of school, to remain in school and away from criminality. OBM participants receive housing, educational assistance, and psycho-social support. Those who are prone to, or who manifest deviant behaviour are exposed to the Adolescent Development Programme (ADP) pioneered by the Centre for Adolescent Rehabilitation and Education (CARE). It’s puzzling to note that despite its obvious success, the ADP model has not been fully incorporated within the education system.
An attractive feature of the OBM is the pairing of participants with male mentors who can help them to safely navigate the isthmus that connects adolescence and adulthood. Unfortunately, though not surprisingly, few male mentors have come forward, perhaps because the call for mentors has not gone out far and wide enough. The OBM will have to fix this.
Admittedly, mentorship is not for everyone. It’s like a vocation. Being a good mentor is about much more than giving good advice. Good mentors have loads of patience and empathy, are excellent listeners, and are willing to serve as sounding boards for mentees. Good mentors don’t know it all, but know enough and are willing to learn, including from mentees. Moreover, good mentors are emotionally intelligent, have positive mindsets and are not judgmental. They always seek the facts on an issue. Finally, good mentors must have good contacts and be able to find resources, often at short notice.
Reflecting on these qualities, it’s easy to see that a good mentor is like a good parent, who gives tough love to his/her children, who show concern for them and who are committed to helping them achieve their full potential and become role models to others.
Mentors are only as good as mentees allow them to be. The relationship between a mentor and mentee thrives on trust, mutual respect and a shared commitment to learning. Mentees and mentors can learn a great deal from each other. The most productive mentor-mentee relationships are those in which both parties are equally invested in success.
My parents were the best mentors I could have had. They complemented each other perfectly. My Dad was highly disciplined, so much so that in 27 years of public service, he was never late for work or missed a day’s work. He was brutally frank and deeply honest. For him, a spade was…a spade. He worked hard at several jobs to feed, clothe, and educate us, and to pay the house rent and utility bills. Critically, he taught us how to approach life by his powerful example.
But despite his admirable qualities, Daddy was sometimes impatient and high strung, except at Christmas. While Mamma was softer than Daddy, at times she could be much tougher than him. Whenever she didn’t want my brothers and me to leave the house, while she was away, she would simply collect all our pants, put them in her bag and take them with her. It wasn’t that her bag was large. It was because we had few pants. She would leave us naked from our navels to our feet, to discourage us from going outside to play and getting into trouble.
Although my parents had 8 of us, often on arriving home from school we would find a distressed boy or girl whom Mamma had taken in. One young girl stayed with us until she reached adulthood.
As fortunate as we were to have excellent parents, there were times when “the village” would take over and provide the guidance and counseling we needed.
Parenting can be challenging, especially for young parents. Being human, parents will occasionally make mistakes. I count among these mistakes the belief that “sparing the rod spoils the child.” If a parent must often beat a child, this is a sign that parent needs professional help for himself/herself and/or for the child. Unfortunately, unlike in the past, there are fewer channels through which challenged parents can get support.
The OBM deserves to succeed and be replicated across the island. The Ministry of Social Equity and the SSDF might consider creating a CARE-type entity, to advance the programme and to effectively manage it. Hopefully, the OBM will receive enhanced support from the Government and the private sector. Masseys, and the Saint Lucia Electricity Company Limited, (LUCELEC), must be commended for embracing the programme as part of their corporate responsibility efforts.