Carissa's Heart Space, Features

I Give Myself Permission

“Giving yourself permission to just be you, is the most liberating feeling in the world.” Kairah James

Image of Carissa Daniel
Carissa’s Heart Space By Carissa Daniel

Have you ever felt, like you had to live up to what seemed to be an unwritten but very influential set of expectations and standards, of how you should live?

Well, I did for most of my life. I struggled to be the person I believed, everyone wanted me to be. I tried desperately to fit the sacred mold. I longed to feel successful, so that I could be accepted.

This drive to be the best daughter, the super career woman, the good partner, the upright Christian, the best model of a person I could be was the only thing that mattered to me.

I worked tirelessly to be who I thought, I needed to be but my inevitable ‘mis-takes’, epic failures and inability to fully grasp the master model for a successful life, kept me at the back of the class.

Each time I was unable to check off one of the invisible boxes, from the invisible achiever’s checklist, I disliked myself a little bit more and condemned by inability to keep up.

The older I got, the more terrified I felt for not making it or achieving the things I believed at that age I should be achieving. It felt like the harder I tried, the further away the finish line seemed, until one day, I decided to give up.

I gave up the striving. I gave up the need to arrive. I gave up the self- criticism. I gave up the self-hate. I gave up the guilt. I gave up the anxiety. I gave up the fear. I gave up the self-comparison.

And most importantly, I gave up the self-denial, self- rejection and disapproval of myself, for not living up to the expectations and standards of others.

Instead, I slowly gained the courage and self-love, to give myself permission to walk my own path, design my own life and accept every stage and step of my journey.

This poem is an expression of the decision I made several years ago to give myself the permission, I needed to live my life. It has not been an easy journey, going against the grain, as I am sure you would imagine. However, it has been the most rewarding, fulfilling and satisfying choice of my life.

My hope is that the poem inspires you to give yourself permission to break free from any self-imposed restraints you are currently facing, and allow yourself the right to choose the path that is best for you.

I give myself permission…

I give myself permission to try, to fall, to falter, to fail.

I give myself permission to cry, to feel pain, to feel hurt, to want to exhale.

I give myself permission to be doubtful, to question, to be unsure.

I give myself permission to be stripped, to be searched, to want more.

I give myself permission…

I give myself permission to choose to start-over, to choose to change.

I give myself permission to let go, to release, to no longer be deranged.

I give myself permission to embrace each step and every stage.

I give myself permission to live fully, to grow freely, to turn a new page.

I give myself permission…

I give myself permission to discover and uncover my true essence.

I give myself permission to live my truth, to trust, to have faith, to follow my inner guidance.

I give myself permission to be bold, to be brave, to live from my heart.

I give myself permission to be different, to be unique, to walk my very own path.

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