SURVIVORS/Victims of sexual violence often feel weak, ugly, unattractive and unimportant. For so long you may have been told that you were an unattractive person, that the only attention you would get is from your abuser.
You were told you were in the way, that your assault was a problem, but not for you but for the shame this would bring to your family.
You may have felt weak because although you hated what was/is happening you were/are unable to do anything to stop it.
Your abuser may have used this against you saying that if you hated what was happening or wanted it to stop you would have fought harder, told someone or done more to stop it.
Hearing those words may have made something shift in you, it may have made you start to question whether or not you were/are to blame for your assault.
You abuser may have told that he was the only one that saw/understood your beauty, he may have said that no one else would find you attractive and therefore no one else would be interested in you or want you.
He may have told you that you are special to him, which may leave you wondering why he/she is hurting you.You may be feeling weak psychologically because you expected more from yourself and believe you are a failure.
You may be feeling that you can’t do anything right, that you will go no-where.
You may have confided in a family member who did nothing, who didn’t believe you or offer support.
You may be wondering whether you were not important enough to protect and fight for.
What follows next is not to pacify you but to let you know that what you are feeling and thinking is normal. It is to let you know that many survivors/victims of sexual violence are having the same thoughts and emotions that you are, that you are not alone, that you are not crazy or broken beyond repair.
I sometimes think that we are fractured because of what was done to us but fractures heal and so can we. Survivors are unable to see themselves clearly.
You are unable to see that you possess an immense amount of strength. You have gone through something terrible; something that was meant to break you beyond repair; but every day you get up; you take care of your siblings, your children, your significant others. You get up and go through everyday bearing your pain silently.
You did more than you should have been asked to and never complained. You have dealt and are continuing to deal with the horrible hand you were dealt and you’re still standing strong.
You cope in the best way that you can but you make it through every day.
You may feel unworthy in many ways and somehow stained/tainted by what was done to you.
I want you to know that you are beautiful, that your desire to survive and live has helped you make it through everyday.
I want you to know that what your abuser/s did to you did not taint or stain you. You are not dirty.
Your beauty and strength radiates from the inside out, and while you may not be able to see it; so many can.
It will take time, but bit by bit you too will start to see your worth, your beauty, your strength. You may feel that you are insignificant and small.
I want to tell you that you matter, you are an inspiration to so many women, girls, men, boys who are going through the same things. They may have heard what was done to you and see you as a sign that there is hope.
You are not unimportant, those that should have done more to protect and care for you failed you.
Your feelings were born because of how you were treated and it is understandable that you feel this way but you matter, you have impacted someone’s life, there is someone out there who would hurt terribly if they didn’t have you around, there is someone out there who genuinely loves you.
Sexual Assault by its very nature imparts so much pain, hurt, and continuous torture on the survivor/victim. But I would like you to know that there is hope, that there is a way to heal, that no matter what you were told, that you are BEAUTIFUL, STRONG, IMPORTANT, INTELLIGENT AND WORTHY.
I want you to remember that YOU ARE NOT GUILTY, THAT YOU DID NOTHING TO BRING THIS ON YOURSELF.
YOUR LIFE IS NOT OVER. DON’T LET YOU PAST DICTATE YOUR FUTURE. DON’T LET WHAT WAS DONE TO YOU DEFINE YOU. YOU ARE STRONG.
Survivors of sexual assault need a supportive environment to begin the healing process. They need to believe and feel that they are part of a culture that doesn’t support individuals who commit sexual crimes.
We have to be the difference we want to see in our country. We have to be willing to start to make change.
We, at PROSAF, have acknowledged that violence against women is a problem in St. Lucia and the wider Caribbean.
We are here to begin the metamorphosis that is desperately needed. We are always here to listen and if you are not ready to come forward but need a listening ear, feel free to contact us.
Remember that Sexual assault is something that happens to people, it does not define them, it is something that was done to them.
Survivors, Victims, Thrivers remember you are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman/child/man who has suffered a trauma through no fault of your own. You are not guilty of any crime, something was done to you against your will Sexual Assault is something that happened to you, it does not define you.
You are worthy of love and happiness. Always remember that you are not alone, that you have nothing to be ashamed of.
We are taking the baby steps necessary to make it better for all. KNOW YOU HAVE A SAFE SPACE IN PROSAF.
If you are interested in finding out more information about sexual violence and what you can do as part of this community, please feel free to contact us at:
Yours Sincerely,
SouyenneDathorne, Velika Lawrence
Email: [email protected] – [email protected]
Facebook: SURVIVING SEXUAL ABUSE IN THE CARIBBEAN: https://www.facebook.com/pages/PROSAF-Surviving-Sexual-Abuse-in-the-Caribbean/165341356853908
Webpage: http://www.prosaf.org (under construction)
Telephone: 1-758-724-9991(sue) 1-758-723-6466(vel)