New Creation Ministries
JOHN and Jones chose one of several paths to the grocery store from their little huts that were five miles in the woods. They came to the summit of a long hill with a steep drop. Before they knew it, they both fell 10 feet into a hole that they had not seen in the middle of the path. Dang it, they both said. It is not our fault, as they both climbed out of the ditch.
A week later, they took the same route and again fell into the hole. John said it is my fault. I should have known better. Jones said it is not my fault; someone should have covered that hole already.
The next week, they traveled again to the store; this time, John went around the hole, but Jones fell in again. This time, he blamed his shoes, his dog that was not even with him on the trip, his wife, the squirl on the tree branch and his unborn child, even though his wife was not pregnant. Still, a week later, they traveled again. This time, John took a different path, and you guessed it right, Jones fell in again. This time, he blamed God. Will anyone ever be able to predict how many times Jones will fall into that hole?
If a potential friend or spouse does not learn from mistakes, like John, walk the other way. If your boyfriend or fiancé never accepts that he was wrong about something, walk the heck the other way; marriage won’t change him.
If you are already married to him, when he or she utters ignorance and folly and a super-enlarged ego, your walk away is your silence. So, walk away in silence.
In Proverbs 13:20, the Bible says that in order for one to be wise, one has to walk with the wise.
This is true for everything:
To be a good cook, you have to have the influence of good cooks.
To be a good husband, that influence has to come from somewhere.
Good professionals are influenced by other professionals.
Good Christians copy other good Christians.
In the same way, devils inspire other little devils.
And if you stick with a prideful, egotistical fool, you become his acolyte.
It stands to deduce, therefore, that if you walk and keep company with one fool, you will be fool number two.
People like Jones fall, not because there is a hole in the road, but a hole of pride in the heart.
The Bible says pride goes before a fall. “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall”, Proverbs 16:18. The fall of the proud is already predicted, and if you tag along, you will stumble with him. You see, pride is trivial, not vital. And it has no place in a healthy relationship.
There are many other trivialities that people place over vitals in relationships.
The money triviality over people
In a relationship, especially marriage, when money comes before the person, when money has more significance than the spouse, when saving money comes before the well-being of your family, you have prioritized the trivial over the vital. I know a mother who lost her child over a day’s work. All that was needed was for her to take two days from work to save her child, but she ended up losing that young person over her desire for money, and I am not talking of a person who did not have financial means. The Bible says where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
When speaking of money, in that sense, I am referring to materialism. It is like the lady in an accident where a passing car took off the driver-side door of her Rolls Royce. She came out bawling, “My car, my precious Rolls.” Then someone pointed out that her left arm was missing; she then began to scream, “My Louis Vuitton, my Louis Vuitton was on that arm; oh, what a loss.” Then, a moment later, she realized that her diamond ring was on a finger on that missing arm. To that realization, she fainted. That is what happens when the trivial sits over the vital – our values shift to the material and temporal instead of the spiritual and eternal.
Placing Beauty, the trivial, over Virtue
In a dating scenario, if beauty is placed ahead of virtue, the trivial supersedes the vital. The cart is in front of the horse. I know of a young brother who used to say, I don’t care if a girl is the daughter of Lucifer himself, I will be with her as long as she is beautiful. You know what happened to that young man? He got his wish. He started dating one of the most beautiful girls in the community. They had been going for a while, then she got pregnant. The big story: it was his brother’s child.
One of the biggest mistakes Israel made as a nation was to place good looks over good character. In 1 Samuel 10, Israel looked at the height and stature of Saul, their first monarch to be, and hailed him as king. But by chapter 16 of that book, “… the LORD said to Samuel the prophet, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him.’”
The handsome and fine-looking Saul put Israel through 40 years of wickedness and misery. That is what happens when the trivialities of beauty and looks are placed over virtue.
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised“ (Proverbs 31:30).
“Your beauty should not come from outward adornments, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold, jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight” (1 Peter 3:3-4).
Speaking of misappropriating priorities, William Penn says: In marriage, be wise; prefer the person before money; virtue before beauty; and the mind before the body.
The vitals of morality over comfort or being agreeable
My son will tell you; it does not matter who he brought home, even when he was in courtship, no girl sleeps in the same room with him in my house – not until he was married. The same rule holds for my daughter. I will be honest; I had sex before marriage, but that does not make it right. The point here is not that you will not fall to weakness, but you should not try to explain away wrong just because you do it. If you are having sex before marriage or outside of marriage, it is a violation of God’s law. I told you my pass, so I am not judging people. Isaiah 5:18-20 says, “Woe unto you who call wrong right and right wrong.”
Do not get comfortable with sin because if you do, your vices will begin to look like virtues.
But the Bible says in 1 Corinthians 6:18, “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”
For people who are contemplating marriage, be sure to set the right moral foundation. Ensure you acknowledge that sexual immorality is wrong even though you may be involved in it.
Morality should exist as a vital in all relationships
Just like Christians’ spousal relationships are built on love, intimacy, trust and morality, platonic relationships or friendships must also seek to include a foundation of integrity and moral behaviour. It’s common to see the secular and carnal influencing those called to be moral examples to the world. That should not be the Christian. We are to always place the vital over the trivial. Christians must always lead with moral influence in all relationships. If you can attend their parties, their clubs, and go shopping with them, why can’t they come to church with you? If you can gossip with them, why can’t you invite them to bible study or prayer meeting? Are their agendas more important than yours?
In all cases, give your vital victory over your trivial.