By Augustus Henry (PhD)
Does a woman have a responsibility to protect her man?
The bible says that the woman was created as a helpmate for her husband. I believe that means sometimes protecting him from himself.
Many have lauded Will Smith’s slapping of Chris Rock as the ultimate man-standing-up and protecting his wife, but shouldn’t that be a two-way street? Also, in 2017, Jada Smith went on Watch What Happens Live and responded to rumors she and Will were ‘swingers’, to which she replied, “I wish, I wish.” How does giving a man a free path to his sexual fantasies’ protection or help? Is it possible, that a woman protects her man by demanding accountability? Again, in July 2020, Jada Pinkett-Smith brought will Smith before 6 million people, and subsequently the rest of the world, and announced that she was sleeping with a rapper 20 years younger than her. She required Will’s protection but refused to do the same for her spouse.
The following quote argues that infidelity against men is a great cause for psychological damage. However, the effect may be amplified when the women announce it before the world: “[After experiencing infidelity, a man may], experience hyperarousal and become reactive at any perceived threat to himself or his relationships. One study that looked at gender differences in response to infidelity found that women tend to be more distressed by emotional affairs, and men tend to become more distressed over physical affairs” (https://psychcentral.com/). That’s why after cheating, women typically ask, do you love her? Men ask did you sleep with him? In both cases cheating can damage the chemistry of the brain and cause a person to respond in irrational ways.
So, in that context, how does one help their spouse by exposing the most heart-wrenching abuse you can inflict on him in front of the entire world?
Covering him
The one thing we have learnt from the bible and nature is that women or the female species is ferocious and aggressive when defending their own – man and family. Wise women know how to protect their men from themselves – lord knows that we need that. The number one thing a woman knows to protect of a man is his ego because it is fragile. But Pinkett-Smith could not even do that; even though she expected him to defend her. Understanding and protecting a man’s ego is womanhood 101.
While men accept woman for who and where they are, woman accept man for what they could be. That is why they go to such an extent in shielding the man’s faults – from friends, from parents (Rita & Gregory). The whole time she is waiting for a man to blossom into his potential, she protects his honor. She never lets the world see his weaknesses.
Abigail covers her husband Nabal
In the book of 1st Samuel 25, there is a story about a woman’s protection of her husband. It records a narrative about Nabal, a rich man, his wife, Abigail, and the anointed King David. David and his army fled from Saul the sitting king. During that time, they camped near Nabal and Abigail’s estate. While there, they made sure that Nabal’s men and property were guarded and secured from theft and plunder at the hands of Saul’s mercenaries. When David and his men relocated away from that area, they found themselves distressed for food, water, and clothing. So, David sent his men to ask Nabal for supplies. His response to David was insulting: “Why should I take my bread and water, and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men coming from who knows where?” These were words directed at an anointed king with legions of soldiers at his disposal. In reaction, David summoned 400 of his soldiers and vowed to destroy Nabal, his male servants, and all that he owned.
When Abigail, Nabal’s wife, caught wind of the irrational and stupid actions of her husband, she knew his life was in danger and that the wrath of a King was about to descend upon her husband and maybe even herself. So, she quickly went into protection mode and prepared to avert the edge of a sword falling on her husband’s neck. Abigail commanded her servants to gather all the supplies that David needed. To remove any danger to her husband, she traveled with the supplies to meet the anointed king and presented them to him personally.
Good women use knowledge to protect men
Good women can see the potential destruction of their men a mile ahead of where the man’s eye can see. Ladies have the potential to draw a full-blown dissertation from one look of another woman. She can deduce the intentions of another woman by how that woman calls her husband’s name. The female species can tell perception by the tone that another man uses to speak to her spouse. They have their ear to the ground. The chief strategy for protecting her man is gathering intelligence – women have their own CIA and FBI. Abigail had a direct line of communication within her husband’s network (1 Sam. 25:14). No woman can protect, help, or complement a man if she does not know what’s up with him. So, one tool that women employ in guarding their husband is information – knowing him and knowing his life.
Another tool of protection is resourcefulness.
I heard an adage somewhere, and it is true: give a woman a house, she produces a home; give her groceries, she creates a meal; give her a sperm, she conceives life. Not only are they capable of producing a lot from very little, but they can also reallocate resources successfully.
Abigail understood her husband’s needs. She was also cognizant of what was necessary to keep another man’s sword off her husband’s neck. In 1st Samuel 25:18, “Abigail acted quickly. She took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five dressed sheep, five seahs[b] of roasted grain, a hundred cakes of raisins and two hundred cakes of pressed figs and loaded them on donkeys.” After Abigail delivers the goods, King David’s reply: “…God of Israel …has kept me from harming you …if you had not come quickly to meet me, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak.” Abigail’s action was so respected that she became David’s queen. Her resourcefulness, save Nabal and many others.
Women protect men by holding them accountable.
Then in the morning, when Nabal was sober, his wife told him all these things, and his heart failed him, and he became like a stone. Like most good women would, she confronted the man with knowledge of his poor and futile decisions. Ladies if you can’t be your man’s mirror, who should be? She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue (Proverbs 31:26). In the context of confronting a man because of love, that can in many ways, save him. So, is a wife responsible for her husband’s protection? You bet she is!
The Bible says, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.” At the very least, she protects her husband’s dignity.