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In Your Hands

Souyenne DathorneOUR Caribbean society is no different from other societies around the world. Silence is still the approved response when one has been sexually assaulted. My abuse remained quiet for quite a lengthy period of time. It was discussed for the short period when I revealed it and then it was as if it never happened. We have laws that indicate that raping someone occurs when sexual intercourse happens against the will of one of the individuals yet we find that not enough are prosecuted for this crime.

We have laws that speak about incest– defining it– laying out the prison term; yet very little is done when the crimes are actually committed. Based on our 2004 criminal code there is no statute of limitations on crimes of rape or those involving minors. You would think that meant more people would have been arrested; not the case because victims/survivors don’t have a supportive environment to come forward.

We find that a woman is re-raped by society for something that was done to her. I am not sure when the lines got so blurred that an abuser walked while an abusee suffered for years. When did we become a society that was desensitized to the crimes of rape and child sexual abuse? When did it become all right to excuse, half/step/full brother, daddy, uncle, cousin, family friend, priest, teacher, coach, for raping, fondling, touching, kissing, or committing any act that made one feel uncomfortable? When do we draw the line at what we allow people to do to our children/ our women/ our men? When does it become enough so that society is shocked into acting?

Sexual abuse isn’t something we are told or taught about in St. Lucia or the wider Caribbean. When you are growing up there are no mentions of people touching you in the special place, of people’s comments being too sexual, or what you should do if one makes you uncomfortable when touching you. We are not warned that strangers are not our only enemies but that family and friends are also capable of damage. Our voices are drowned out by what we have been taught or what we have seen. We aren’t taught about the signs of sexual abuse. Our teachers are unaware of the symptoms that we exhibit when our world is being turned upside down. We are taught to obey our elders, listen to family friends, and do what we are told.

Girls, in particular, are to be seen and not heard. So many of us suffer in silence because of this. I was silent for eight years and then another 13 years before I found my voice. You are threatened and guilted into keeping this secret– you are made to feel culpable in the act thereby making you a participant and not a victim. Our culture has stood by abusers, they have let them walk freely, they have absolved them of their guilt and found ways to blame the victim; what were you doing there, why were you wearing that, you know you wanted it, you drank too much– the excuses continue.

We are a victim blaming society, making it harder for anyone to feel comfortable seeking help, or speaking out. Sexual assault is not only about sex but also about power. Blaming the victims doesn’t help solve the problem, or address it; it makes matters worse. We need to make the changes; we need to start to change.

For those who have survived and are willing to speak to us and share your stories; feel free to call or email. We want to help, we want to create change. We want to create the supportive environment that is so desperately needed in St .Lucia. Crimes of a sexual nature should not be covered up or ignored; survivors of this crime should not be told to get over it, or in any way silenced. SILENCE is what gives perpetrators the power and confidence to continue abusing. SILENCE is what further victimizes a survivor. We have to be ready and willing to accept what occurs when one is sexually assaulted. It is never a pretty picture and the stories are hard to hear but just sit back and think for a minute what that says about what the survivor endured and is continuing to endure.

Part of ensuring that things change, is being willing to give survivors a chance to SPEAK UP AND OUT about what they have been through. We have to know that living through sexual assault is not an easy thing. We have to know that so much is taken from an individual in that one instance and SILENCING THEM only serves to reiterate the abuse and the abusers power. WE NEED CHANGE AND IMPROVEMENT WHEN ADDRESSING SEXUAL ASSAULT. We need to be willing to stand with the survivors and not the abuser’s. We have to understand that the survivor has nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of because SEXUAL ASSAULT isn’t just about SEX but about POWER. JOIN US IN TRYING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

We can be contacted by the numbers on the bottom, or by email.
Yours sincerely,
SouyenneDathorne&Velika Lawrence
Email: ssaitco@hotmail.com – thepowerofone_v@hotmail.com
Facebook: SURVIVING SEXUAL AB– USE IN THE CARIBBEAN: https://www.facebook.com/pages/PROSAF-Surviving-Sexual-Abuse-in-the-Caribbean/165341356853908
Twitter: @PROSAF_SUEEZZY: https://twitter.com/PROSAF_Sueezzy
Telephone: 1-758-724-9991(sue) 1-758-723-6466(vel)

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