That Wretched LinkedIn

The Editor:

So, I joined LinkedIn a few days ago.  Have never ever wanted to, never had the remotest interest in such a line-up. Have, from its inception, ignored all interloping email requests from friend and foe alike to ‘’add you to my professional network on LinkedIn”, and continue to do so now in response to the recently reversed, up-to-the-minute: ‘’please add me to your LinkedIn network.’’

Am furious that I now (unwillingly) inhabit this unlikely ‘commune’.  But indeed had to, if I wanted that interesting online assignment which mandated that I do so ‘’for verification purposes’’ – the reasoning behind which I daresay I fail to follow, for really, couldn’t just about anyone have signed up as me, or Tom Jones or Lizzie Pòpòt or Estéphan de Banjo Man, or you for that matter?

Anyway, result is, I am now forced to endure not just the various handles, but worse luck, the various physiognomies, of all and sundry, many of whom I avoid like the plague in real life, consistently blank out on the goggle box, wouldn’t be caught dead associating with, my Christian persuasion notwithstanding.  (But, He understands. I know He does!)

Now, I rather suspect that those invitations are sent, not directly from you, but oh so ‘generously’ on your behalf by the obviously self-serving LinkedIn organism.  What’s more, I don’t even have to be signed in to the ‘commune’ to be reminded that it exists in all its obtrusiveness with said ‘invitations’. (I am deluged in my email inbox, a growing concern in and of itself, usually because of thoughtlessness and/or intrusiveness on the part of tenuous, third-party ‘contacts’).

So yes, I am fuming – more so because on signing up, I opted to make myself invisible, did not display a photograph, said no to all the questions which sought to encourage a hail-fellow-well-met frame of mind, and refrained from setting up any connections whatsoever.  I certainly question the integrity of LinkedIn for appearing to provide one with those options, yet not being faithful to one’s choices.  But then, how does one connect with these scoundrels to lay into them with a good tongue-lashing?  Impossible!  And would they take any notice anyway? Doubt it.

Well, I have to say that my online contractor did give me the option of joining either Facebook or LinkedIn for said ‘’verification purposes’’.  Makes me think I should have ignored his partiality to LinkedIn and tried Facebook instead. Couldn’t have been worse, surely.

Now, there’ll be some, perhaps many, of you who can’t imagine what I’m on about since you absolutely adore being on LinkedIn, willingly joined because that’s just what you’d dreamed of doing all your life, think it’s the best thing since umma… toilet paper or umma…  buffalo wings, and can’t imagine how you ever managed without it . Yes?

Well, let me enlighten you by getting to my prime point, and it is this:  if perchance you ever receive, (perish the thought!) an ‘invitation’ from me, I trust you’ll know exactly where to stick it!  No, no, not yours – LinkedIn’s, of course!

Nahdjla Bailey