Letters & Opinion, Sounding Off

And The Show Goes On

By Rochelle Gonzales
By Rochelle Gonzales

Following the two apparent suicides which occurred this month, I’ve noticed a tidal wave of responses…mostly words of comfort to the loved ones of the deceased.

I noticed words of encouragement calling for people contemplating the said act to hang in there and speak to someone and this was aimed especially at the men who, according to reports are more likely to commit suicide as opposed to women who more frequently attempt it but don’t go the whole nine yards.

Some responses were downright nasty but then again, that’s to be expected because unfortunately, twits will always exist.

But out of the thousands who gave their two cents on the matter, quite a few chose to be bold enough to speak the bitter truth.

I am not here to judge nor condemn anyone for their actions. In fact, I truly sympathise with the persons who chose to end their lives…I don’t think anybody can truly know how much they can take and if they are in fact strong enough to go through perhaps their toughest battles.

I believe that it takes a lot to drive someone to the point where they feel that life is too much to bear and that they can go no further…we just never know what could trigger us.

It is with that said that I’m only going to tackle ONE of those triggers because this, to me, is one trigger that I don’t think should be a reason to end your life…boyfriend/girlfriend trouble.

Why choose this one you ask? Well, as unsure as I admittedly am, according to many reports from the man and woman on the streets, at least one of the two recent suicides was over that issue. Whether this is true or not, the fact remains that people kill themselves for that reason.

Whilst that one reason is an umbrella for many other reasons, it all boils down to the fact that a relationship is not going the way one wants it to go.

Here’s a little wake up call to all the lovers out there whose lives orbit their other half’s…the ones that they cannot live without, and kill themselves over:

Don’t for a second think that this guy/girl will drop dead after you’ve killed yourself for them. No, they will live on, get into new relationships and do all the things that you dreaded whilst you were alive.

So you were cheated on, make the choice to either forgive the person and make your relationship work or dump him/her and by getting an upgraded version of the culprit.

So they left you…now that one is a zinger, especially if they left because you cheated but give yourself some time and you will see that getting over someone is not as hard as it seems at first. If you were the one at fault, use the experience, especially the fact that you were so low as a learning block. Look at where you went wrong and aim to never let that happen to you by fixing your shortcomings. Don’t lose hope and think that you will never find someone else who is just as good, if not better. You can get through this. It really can be done, besides, there is no shortage of fish in the sea.

You are being abused and think that the only way to escape is to end your life. Nah! Why would you let someone like that win? Why give them that power? No, you beat them back and show them who the champion is. There are places to go and other avenues available to getting out of such situations.

The person that you are going gaga for has just rejected you? Again, plenty of fish swimming around and you can always do better. Just give yourself some time to regroup, find yourself and get back on that horse.

All of this is by all means easier said than done, but here’s where an age old cliché becomes relevant: time heals all wounds. Patience is indeed a virtue and where boyfriends/ girlfriends/wives/husbands are concerned, it just takes some time to get over the hurt.

Think I haven’t been there, done that? Heck, the relationship struggles that I’ve faced could make heads spin and make people think I’m crazy but at the end of the day, I survived because I refuse to give any man one up on me. Me, take my life and whilst I’m just a rotting memory, you’re having fun all over the place? Ha…not gonna happen! I’m worth way too much.

You might be surprised to see yourself doing so much better and ending up happier after some time has passed.

Like I suggested in the title, the show goes on. That’s a bitter pill to swallow but it’s the truth nonetheless…the world will NOT stop spinning when you’re gone, so please, if this is your fight right now, look at it from this angle.

Take a moment to look at yourself and realise that your life is more important than a relationship. No partner is worth killing yourself over because they will still be around and free to live as they please. Don’t give anyone that power over you and go out there, move on and do better.

6 Comments

  1. I find it perplexing that we commended God for coming in person, incarcerate to commit suicide. We hail this as the greatest love, yet even after this bogus god of white supremacy taught the Negro by way of example you confused Africans are lamenting when misguided souls follow the ” way of the Cross and kill themselves like the white god “. Such duplicity. Jesus: I am the way and the light or is it life?”

    Why then all the grief? If you mindless Negroes really believed that God killed himself for you then you should rejoice when one of you follow the naked Caucasian’s example on the crossed post. You people cannot be sane calling yourselves Christians while speaking out of both sides of your mouths. I ask you again, is the naked Caucasian’s way the path to paradise or HELL??

  2. Robert/
    Just a word or two of caution concerning overgeneralization.
    Yes, it is possible to have surveyed (non scientifically) the angst of many more “black” Africans against the “polite civility” of the OCCUPYING- privileged euro class. Bob Marley did wail “A hungry man is an angry man”,
    Come now, Robert, these are the new wave of lions who read Achebe’s “Things Fall Apart” and know in depth, academically, -and first hand- the full range of the conquests, subdivisions and purloined natural resources -denied them.
    They have been schooled in London, Toronto, NYC, Paris etc.- they are more worldly than their ancestors- and frown upon their past complacency, pacification and global subservience. They glorify the gonads and fortitude of the iconic Shaka Zulu. Even Anthropology supports their belief that they are entiled to FIRST PEOPLE of the Earth status. After all , a review of the literature overwhelmingly supports a migration of folks from the Great Rift regions -who went on to settle Europe and in the process morphed physiologically.
    They witnessed first hand the “Les Miserables” version of the Soweto uprisings and the redemption of their first African President (South Africa)
    Therefore, Robert, what you saw (as exemplified by your name sake (Mugabe) is the new FEARLESSNESS of young Africa.
    The children and young victims of BULLIES or DOMESTIC AB– USERS often show said traits superficially -for awhile- but with corrective internal sublimation of their pain, their catharsis is converted to non aggressive nation building. Likewise, the memory of a brutal apartheid in South Africa and Zimbabwe will ebb as more desirable economic conditions prevail.
    But the overall brutal legacy of the overlord checkerboard African continent, staked and carved out by the imperial sabers/muskets cannon and troops of imperial Euro nations is a sinful afterlife- only God can redeem.
    Let’s pray for a civil path towards ongoing reconciliation, oui!

    bull/
    Your overgeneralization is even more risque.
    Was Jesus -the former ORTHODOX JEW- not the first CONVERT to Christianity?????????
    Please be careful when treading the religious bayous A lurking BULLfrog may ribbit your hand like we do a Mickey Dee BIG Mac !

  3. Finally, a brief comment about Ms Rochelle’s current article: I sincerely believe that ADDICTIVE personality traits are the bedrock of suicidal traits.
    The following link is to a chapter outline that we can use to cull those personality traits that may adversely affect a potential suicidal victim
    http://highered.mheducation.com/sites/0070366055/student_view0/chapter12/chapter_outline.html
    and the following is a lengthy overview
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
    a good exercise is to align the traits of the latter with the culled traits in the former -where they line up gives a layperson a better bulls eye on the target disorder.

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