Hey, Men, Time To Woman Up

I’M sure you’ve heard the quips; “Man Up!”, “Grow A Pair!” Well I’d like to amend these terms to more suitable and more accurate sayings…”Woman Up!” or “Grow One!”.

Now guys, I don’t mean to come across as crude, (and by bringing I simply want to highlight some truths so that you can understand where I’m going with this.

You see, “Testes” are weak and so fragile that the mere threat of them being tapped too hard will leave a man quivering like a cold wet Chihuahua, but ladies parts on the other hand…well they certainly go through the ringer don’t they?! With all the baby making and monthly cycles, yet they seem to bounce right back to A-OK…and those two examples are only the tip of the iceberg.

So it is with that said, that I have to reiterate, Men, Time to Woman Up!

I’ve been looking at the trend of violence taking place, and a lot of it tells me that the men today are nothing but weak little crybabies who never learnt how to deal with their temper tantrums when they were babies, so their petulant minds never evolved from the stop, drop, roll on the ground and cry method…no wait, I am wrong, their minds did evolve, they went from dropping and crying to chopping, stabbing and shooting.

I’m not saying that females (and note, I said females, not women) don’t get up to mischief, but is there even a need to make a comparison of extreme violence in women vs. extreme violence in men? I think not!

See, women know that there are many ways to skin cats and so they come up with other ways to handle conflict; we cry, we quarrel (with the person who upset us or even ourselves), we talk (again, either to ourselves to assess and make sense of the situation, to our friends and loved ones, to a counsellor or even with the person who upset us), and when push comes to shove…literally, we slap it out!

But what do some petulant men do? Someone stepped on their toe, they stab the person after initially getting into a chest pounding contest. Someone looks at you the “wrong way” or whatever, You call your other petulant boys and you hack, stab or shoot that person to death…and if they didn’t die, the mixture of petulance and anger will take over and you will go to a hospital emergency room to finish what you started. The woman you’ve been beating and cheating on for 8 years…the mother of your children gets a birthday text message that makes her smile, you choke her, beat her, slash her throat and stab her to death.

Oh you readers thought I was joking huh?! Well No, I’m as serious as the last two crimes I just mentioned.

At this point in time, I don’t know what to say to you males out there anymore who simply have zero value for life. Also, I cannot begin to wrap my head around how you got this way and why, so I have to deduce that you are simply weak, petulant and too mentally immature to wear big boy clothes and shoes…you are nothing more than disgustingly spoilt children who never got the discipline as a sapling that would straighten you as a hard tree that you are today.

I know this is no solid solution, and believe me, I know just how badly we need solutions, but in the meantime, I’m just throwing this suggestion out there.

We live in a nation where men cannot even freely express their emotions because the society of weak men past and present have taught them that crying, speaking out or seeking help is weak or for women…well today I ask you to be more like women and let it all out in the safe and harmless way.

Please men, cry, go somewhere isolated and scream till your head hurts then dust yourself off and move forward, call up a trusted friend, or if you feel alone, speak to a stranger (you would be surprised to find out that this is the best thing you can do because you never know which stranger is walking around as your guardian angel just waiting for you to say “Hi”)

You’ve been hurt by the love of your life? Hurt her back in the worst way by becoming a better, more successful and more attractive man WITHOUT her, and when she comes crawling back, laugh in her face and buy the new love of your life a present that you never got your old one…just to cut her even deeper.

I know in that last paragraph, I just broke the girl code Big Time, and I’ve let you in on one too many secrets, but if that will save the life of a man or two, it was worth it.

Guys, there must be another way of releasing that bottled up wrath that is now spilling out from all of your orifices.

Women have it tough enough as it is, but it’s like the prophetic words of “Spice & Company’s” soca hit “The Guns (Too Many Guns)”, “when the men kill the men, all that remain is women”, and men, forget what all these feminist, self help and self confidence quotes say, we need you, we really do! Now how can we exist and thrive as a healthy nation when the ratio of men: women keep getting more and more off-balanced?

Nah, its time to put all that testosterone aside and do it like us women, it’s time to toughen up, get wise and act like a man but think like a woman (and no, this has nothing to do with sexuality…see, only a petulant child will think that way, but I know some of you will anyway so I just thought I’d clarify)