By Augustus Henry (PhD)
THIS message may be speaking about your romantic life, or your spiritual life or both; you choose!
In the words of The Righteous Brothers:
Now there’s no welcome look in your eyes when I reach for you.
And now you’re starting to criticize little things I do.
It makes me just feel like crying.
‘Cause baby, something beautiful’s dyin’
You lost that lovin’ feelin’
Now it’s gone, gone, gone, whoa-oh!
What happens when that first love is lost? Can first love be recovered?
Love relationships over time
Revelation 2:
1, Unto the angel of the church of Ephesus write, these things saith he that holdeth the seven stars in his right hand, who walketh in the midst of the seven golden candlesticks;
2, I know thy works, and thy labor, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars:
3, And hast borne, and hast patience, and for my name’s sake hast labored, and hast not fainted.
4, Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love.
That loving feeling is gone.
The above scripture describes the relationship between Jesus Christ and his church, and in that union, Jesus is committed from beginning to end! And be careful to notice that he is the one feeling the pain of that dying relationship. In addition, he has invested the most in that failing marriage – his life.
He gave his life for it:
Matt 20:28” just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Jesus was so committed to his relationship, he did not only become a bailsman for those he loved, but he was also the bail money. The bailsman can walk away but the bail money has to stay even as the prisoner goes free. His life is the ransom money for our lives. Jesus has an intimate relationship with his people: Ephesians 5:25-27, Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it. This man is committed to death for his spouse.
Revelation 2 really reads like an example of a typical marital relationship where everything is functional, and each party is demonstrating the right behavior at the start. At that point, the commitment is visible and strong. In that stage of the relationship, each party is working hard to support each other – I know thy works and thy labor (V2). Each partner exhibits kindness, love and tolerance – they are patient with each other (V3). They take time to eliminate the threats that risk the health of the relationship – how thou cannot bear them that are evil and liars (V2).
When relationships are new, no distance is too far to walk or drive, no mountain is too high to ascend; no valley is too low to descend. No foe is too great to conquer, in the process of protecting and sustaining that partnership. But by the time we get to verse 4 in Revelation chapter 2, the loving feeling is gone! Gone! Gone! What happened?
When the virgin love is gone – the reason relationships fail
In most romantic unions, faithful spouses may execute their duty as the unfaithful spouses might allow secrecy, disloyalty, infidelity, or mistrust to fracture the union, and that is when the first love or virgin love begins to ooze out the door. So, what happens that causes those fractures in human relationships? Are they the same causes for the fracturing in spiritual relationships?
According to a well esteemed relationship expert, here are the core causes of relationship demise follow by the implications for spiritual relationships:
Lack or loss of trust is one of the most harmful contagions to a couple’s long-term success. Without trust, a relationship misses two key anchors to a strong bond: safety and security.
Hebrews 11:6 – But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe (Trust) that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.
This is a big one. Numerous studies have identified communication (lack of communication) as one of the top reasons for couples therapy, as well as one of the top reasons for break-up and divorce.
Luke 18:1 – And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray (communicate with God), and not to faint.
According to research, having differences over money is one of the top reasons for marital dissolution (6)(7). “‘No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money’” (Matthew 6:24).
Your partner has different priorities and expectations regarding the relationship (Preston Ni M.S.B.A.)
Matt. 6. 33, But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
Speaking of order-of-importance, “Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”―Mark Twain.
Relationships may fail when the wife treats the husband as a priority while the husband treats her as an option or vice versa. In the same way, our spiritual walk with God becomes fractured when we treat Him as an option instead of priority.
The breach of first love can be restored
There may come a time when the disloyal party feels a loss of benefits as a result of his unfaithfulness, and he begins to crave those privileges again. But all is not lost. However, there are conditions by which good relationships can be recovered. Even so, if you do not play your cards right, you can lose everything!
The process of restoration starts in Revelation 2:5, “Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent. The same way humans in relationships do not endure never-ending pain, abuse, and infidelity, in like manner, there is coming a time Jesus will say it is finished. But before that happens, please understand that lost first love can be recovered.
Therefore, a married couple that has lost the feeling of their first love can rekindle their passion by spending quality time together, sharing goals, talking about their feeling, and praying together. In the same way, you can rekindle your intimacy with Jesus by spending time with him as you did in the beginning, relishing the joy of being in his presence (Jeremiah).
Have you ever tried returning to the spot, not the area, the spot where you first fell in love? I can remember my first real kiss was on a mango tree. As I express that, I can feel it all over again. In the same way, I remember my first interaction with Jesus – the zeal that I felt – the things that I was willing to do. Let’s all take our minds back there again!