Women of the world celebrated International Women’s Day on March 8, 2022. But very importantly, the more meaningful celebration for women in St. Lucia was the passage of the Domestic Violence Bill in the House of Assembly, which was piloted by the Minister of Gender Affairs herself, Dr. Virginia Albert Poyotte, on that day. And, I am sure, it was a proud moment for her.
As Minister Albert-Poyotte explained during the debate on the bill, as far back as 1995, following a meeting in Beijing China, attempts had been made to thoroughly review the Act pertaining to gender violence in St. Lucia. Indeed, nothing positive had been done until the St. Lucia Labour party government come into power in July, 2021. Dr. Albert-Poyotte also identified several women, many of whom was in the House during the debate, who were in the vanguard for change to the Gender Violence Act in St. Lucia.
Indeed, the Gender Affairs Minister received very strong support from her lady colleague, Hon. Emma Hippolyte, Minister for Commerce as well as the men who represented their constituencies, since the bill received unanimous passage in the House.
The Minister of Gender Affairs echoed that the needs and circumstances of women are not forgotten. She insisted that women form the largest group of victims of Domestic Violence as she piloted the Bill.
Now the question that occupies my mind currently is, why do men hit the women they love?
Social Pyschologists offer some answers which I would like to point out. Some of those answers are heart-breaking.
Social Psychologists insist that men who abuse rarely do it once, even if they are rich or famous. So, if you’re in a relationship with a man who has pushed, hit, or slapped you once, take it as a warning sign. You can expect him to do it again and again.
Social Psychologists have concluded from their research that abusers have an intense need to control the women they love. The biggest misconception about men is that they have anger management issues. They don’t! Men do not blow up at work or at a driver who cuts into the lane that he is driving. Instead, they have an overwhelming need to control their loved one. They want to control how she dresses, where she goes and whom she talks with. Also, they find creative ways of knowing exactly what the woman is doing at all times.
The research in Social Psychology indicates that abusers often do genuinely love the woman they beat up. In fact, they are obsessively in love with their girlfriends or wives, which makes them even more jealous and controlling. They just don’t know the proper way to express that love.
The researchers are indicating that these men most likely grew up in a home where there was violence. That bit of information is important for us to know and understand.
Now, it is also important to know that abusers typically blame their girlfriend or wife for forcing them to be violent. He will tell himself and his girlfriend or wife that she provoked the violence by looking at another guy, or wearing a skirt that’s too short.
The researchers indicate that women typically blame themselves for provoking their boyfriend or husbands. They get brainwashed into believing they’ve done something wrong. “It is my fault for leading him to think that I was cheating”.
Indeed, when abusers apologise, it’s another form of taking control. Social Psychologists tell us that men who abuse women can be dramatically remorseful; crying, begging for forgiveness promising to never become violent again. They bring home the most beautiful flowers and gifts.
The apologies can seem so genuine that an abused girlfriend or wife gets completely seduced back into continuing the relationship. There are some girlfriends or wives who are more resistant. They leave the relationship, and the man has to go begging for them to come back home.
During her presentation of the Domestic Violence Bill, one could hear the gender minister say that one of her male constituents came to her to plead to her to ask his wife to come back home to him. I would really like to know the outcome of that relationship. Maybe the Minister of Gender Affairs may whisper the outcome in my ears when next she meets me.
It is believed that men who abuse are insecure and have poor impulse control. They can seem completely normal and stable at times. At work, they can present themselves as completely nice men. It is the fear of losing their girlfriend or being unable to control her that leads to intense outbursts of rage and violence.
Now, when men abuse, they believe they have the right to use whatever means necessary to take control of the situation. If the police arrive, they are not ashamed of their behaviour; they feel justified. They would say: “You deserve it!”; “You were behaving badly”.
The social psychological research indicates that if your boyfriend or husband is violent, it’s unlikely he will be cured. Most abusers don’t get the treatment they need in order to stop their aggressive behaviour. In fact, they don’t want help because they think they are right.
Many people in abusive relationships are recommended to a counselling service. However, for one to benefit from counselling, the candidate must first agree that there is a problem. But if you believe that you are right and that there isn’t a problem, then counselling would not be beneficial to the party or parties.
As I conclude this article, I am sure that there are several cases of abuse happening in our country, so that the Domestic Violence Bill and all of its changes are coming at the right time. It should address many of domestic violence behaviours that are exhibited in our society today.
It is also important to indicate that many of our men in St. Lucia are model husbands and boyfriends. It should not be conceived that all men are involved in that naughty behaviour.