WE go through each day with the knowledge that there are things out there beyond our control. We understand that there are terrible things that can and do happen to people in life but we have not yet understood how to address these things and how to support the individuals who have and are hurt by them. While we all know that Sexual Violence exists, we are yet to truly understand how many lives have been destroyed by these and in what ways.
It is easy to sit on the side lines and dictate how one should be feeling after being sexually assaulted, especially when you lack the knowledge of what one goes through after being assaulted. It is also easy to sit back and blame the survivor/victim, to insinuate that they dressed provocatively, that they walked down the wrong road at the wrong time, that they went on a date with the wrong guy/girl, that they drank or smoked too much. It is easier for us to blame those who have been assaulted to ask them why they didn’t do more to prevent or stop the assault. It is easier to believe that we could have done something to stop the assault, maybe that makes you feel more in control, when in reality, you could not have stopped or prevented it. Why blame the individual being assaulted why, why say that men/women have little control when they see someone scantily dressed, when they are in the presence of someone who is inebriated, why expect that I should have to find an alternative route home, let’s be practical and remember we live in the Caribbean, we get off a bus and have to walk the rest of the way to our homes, we don’t live in a country where we are perched onto our doorsteps, and don’t believe you are less immune if you have a car, after getting out what stops you from being attacked before making it to your front door? Why should it be on the individual to prevent someone else from violating their bodies. Why should I be held accountable for policing the behavior of others?
Understanding sexual assault is a necessary step to helping survivors/victims, it is necessary to understanding and dealing with perpetrators, it is necessary to educating the public on what sexual violence is and how we are all affected. Survivors of sexual assault face an initial violation. The initial act, has traumatized them, has left them fearful, angry, blaming themselves, questioning what they may have done to cause their assault, worried that no one will understand and that most would blame them. Victims/survivors fear their environment, they question those they come into contact with, they are unsure whether they can trust the people in their lives to understand and support them, they are unsure of the new people they meet and their motives. Sexual assault doesn’t only affect individuals in the moment, there are lasting effects, their traumatic moments are constantly relived. We want the individual to get over the attack and move on within a short space of time and when this doesn’t happen we appear confused/angry/ disappointed that they could still be affected by their assault. One who has been sexually assaulted whether by force or coercion is left feeling very vulnerable, betrayed, alone, ashamed, guilty & afraid. They go through the range of emotions, usually on their own. They are afraid to divulge what they have been through to anyone for fear of being blamed, when as we know sexual assault is not the victims’ fault but that of the perpetrator. They have few outlets for help and support. They go through most days thinking that no one understands what they are going through. They battle trust issues, body images issues, they are unable to let people in, they may feel incapable of making choices/decisions. Their relationships may begin to crumble, their lives become overwhelming. They may struggle with various addictions. The truth is while there are a number symptoms, each survivor/victim will be different in how they are affected.
Survivors of sexual assault need a supportive environment to begin the healing process. They need to believe and feel that they are part of a culture that doesn’t support individuals who commit sexual crimes. We have to be the difference we want to see in our country. We have to be willing to start to make change. We, at PROSAF, have acknowledged that violence against women is a problem in St.Lucia and the wider Caribbean. We are here to begin the metamorphosis that is desperately needed. We are always here to listen and if you are not ready to come forward but need a listening ear, feel free to contact us. Remember that Sexual assault is something that happens to people, it does not define them, it is something that was done to them. Survivors, Victims, Thrivers remember you are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman/child/man who has suffered a trauma through no fault of your own. You are not guilty of any crime, something was done to you against your will Sexual Assault is something that happened to you, it does not define you. You are worthy of love and happiness. Always remember that you are not alone, that you have nothing to be ashamed of. We are taking the baby steps necessary to make it better for all. KNOW YOU HAVE A SAFE SPACE IN PROSAF. If you are interested in finding out more information about sexual violence and what you can do as part of this community, please feel free to contact us at:
Yours Sincerely,
SouyenneDathorne, Velika Lawrence
Email: [email protected] – [email protected]
Facebook: SURVIVING SEXUAL ABUSE IN THE CARIBBEAN: https://www.facebook.com/pages/PROSAF-Surviving-Sexual-Abuse-in-the-Caribbean/165341356853908
Webpage: http://www.prosaf.org (under construction)
Telephone: 1-758-724-9991(sue) 1-758-723-6466(vel)