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03rd
July 2010
Why He Picked
Her
Sherlana Ernest
 No
offence to the fellas but there seem to be a
steady spread of the “he didn’t
pick me syndrome”. I bet, we have all
heard of a friend of a friend, who had been
with a guy for a long time (months or years
even), only to have him break up with her to
marry a girl he just met! Whether it has happened
to us, or someone else, we know this situation
is hurtful. And such hurt is not exclusive to
one’s pride.
‘Prevention is cure’, is the advice
that may be an apt remedy. If you were able
to prevent a hurtful, disastrous end to a relationship.
Wouldn’t you? It is hard to read someone
else’s thoughts, and see through intentions
when it comes to relationships. Yet, according
to the author of ‘I Promise You: Preparing
for a Marriage That Will Last a Lifetime’,
Willard Harley Jr., PhD, there are traits that
you can acquire that may just save you from
being hurt by a broken relationship.
“Part of what makes him want to get married
is chemistry and passion, but it’s also
about certain actions and behaviors that are
more concrete than you’d think,”
Harley believes.
In Ben Whiffen’s recent article for the
Cosmopolitan, he wrote, “You know how
every season finale of your favorite TV show
ends with a million unanswered questions and
you can hardly wait for the next one? Well,
a girl can give her guy that same thrilling
mix of exhilaration and anticipation by surprising
him.”
Whiffen further quoted the Author of If Love
Could Think, Ph.D., Alon Gratch, and said, “She
does this by being spontaneous and a little
unpredictable, taking on new interests all the
time, and revealing different facets of herself.
By never letting life get static, this woman
busrts the myth that being married means feeling
humdrum. She makes being with her an adventure,
as if there’s always a new idea or activity
just around the bend.”
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This
does not mean that you shouldn’t be yourself.
Rather, it only means that you should be the
better you! It is quite alright to be comfortable
in a relationship but it is not okay to allow
things to become monotonous.
Another ‘tie-the-knot-trait’, highlighted
in Whiffen’s article is ‘She Makes
It Clear He’s Not Her Entire Life.’
He described a scenario, “It’s flattering
to a guy to realize that his girl thinks the
world of him, but it’s less appealing
when he gets the impression that he is her world.
That’s why a girlfriend, who retains her
independence and sense of self, even as the
relationship takes a serious turn, has definite
wife appeal.”
Dr Gratch added, “A woman who depends
on a man for her sense of fulfillment is a scary
thing for a guy. Men don’t want to feel
smothered or totally responsible for their partner’s
day-to-day happiness.” Thus, a guy’s
ideal is a girl who views ‘coupledom’,
as dubbed by Whiffen, as a ‘solid partnership
in which both she and her man still have separate
identities.’ Hence, some guys obsession
with the independent woman. Performing artist,
Neyo, sang on it with his ‘She got her
own.’ Apparently, being a ‘sugar
momma’ has become a growing trend.
Essentially, it may be hard to fit in such traits
into your relationship’s DNA. Yet, it
is all for you to say whether it is worth it
(in terms of the relationship and the guy).
Some may see this as changing yourself to become
someone else in order to please the one you
love. But it is a fact that relationships are
about compromise. Giving and getting. Think
of it as, sometimes you have to give more to
get more later on.
Discuss
Story
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