HOW many times have you sat back and wondered whether you had just been sexually assaulted? For many the question of what happened and whether you were in part to blame leaves them feeling very confused about why the blame seems to fall primarily at their feet.
So let’s clarify a few things, as a survivor of sexual violence:
(1) you never caused anyone to assault you,
(2) by saying NO, no matter whether you shout it or mutter it, if the assault continues then it’s rape,
(3) fighting back or failing to, doesn’t mean that you wanted it,
(4) having gone out with the individual and him/her having spent money on you doesn’t make him entitled to your body,
(5) participating in any sexual act prior to a rape/sexual assault doesn’t mean that you gave consent.we,
(6) having worn too much/ too little clothing doesn’t mean you caused the assault by being enticing,
(7) your decision to smoke, consume alcohol, etc. was not an invitation for you to be taken advantage of.
Many survivors have been told by their abusers that they were in some way culpable in the act, they someone brought this upon themselves and ultimately wanted to be sexually assaulted.
Understand that when your abuser or some ignorant individual tries to place the blame on you they are giving you abuser an excuse. Understand that their intelligence where crimes of sexual violence are concerned doesn’t exist.
There are many people who you will come across who will say the most insensitive things about sexual assault survivors, they don’t understand your pain, sadly, nor do they care about your pain. Take what they say with a grain of salt (I know this is often easier said than done).
I know their opinions can hurt and often open and deepen already existing wounds. Know that these phrases and comments are disclaimers aimed at diminishing your memory and feelings of what happened.
These comments are meant to shield them from having to face the fact that someone they know is an abuser.
Many men will blame you for the sexual assault by trying to insinuate that you didn’t do enough to stop them or did something to lead them on. It is an intimidation factor, a way to silence you and make you question your judgment.
Violent Sexual Acts against women is a problem too many are faced with. It is scary to think that we have a greater chance of being raped than of falling victim to many other crimes.
We live in a culture, that not only makes rape jokes but stands with the abusers. We embrace the rape myths in an attempt to reduce the effects of what occurred.
I will keep reiterating that your clothing, your level of intoxication, your type of relationship, your actions do not allow for you to be forcibly attacked or penetrated or for it to be ok should that happens.
The Ambiguity that you feel is a bit of denial that you have fallen victim to this crime, but there is also shock as so many of us don’t believe it will happen to us, and by someone we know and trust.
We are hard on ourselves; why didn’t we see the monster that sat with us, how could we be so fooled? RAPIST is not written on anyone’s forehead, there was no way you could’ve known.
We, at PROSAF, are acknowledging that may survivors feel a great sense of ambiguity about the their sexual assault; many are unsure what happened, how it happened so quickly, whether they brought it on themselves, and whether they could have done more to prevent it from happening.
Violence against women is never ok, it is huge problem within St.Lucia and the wider Caribbean.
We are here to educate and validate your feelings about your assault. Trust yourself and your feelings.
We are always here to listen and if you are not ready to come forward but need a listening ear feel free to contact us. Sexual assault is something that happened to you, it, does not define you.
Survivors of sexual assault need a supportive environment to begin the healing process. They need to believe and feel that they are part of a culture that doesn’t support individuals who commit sexual crimes.
We have to be the difference we want to see in our country. We have to be willing to start to make change. We, at PROSAF, have acknowledged that violence against women is a problem in St.Lucia and the wider Caribbean.
We are here to begin the metamorphosis that is desperately needed. We are always here to listen and if you are not ready to come forward but need a listening ear, feel free to contact us. Remember that Sexual assault is something that happens to people, it does not define them, it is something that was done to them.
Survivors, Victims, Thrivers remember you are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman/child/man who has suffered a trauma through no fault of your own. You are not guilty of any crime, something was done to you against your will Sexual Assault is something that happened to you, it does not define you.
You are worthy of love and happiness. Always remember that you are not alone, that you have nothing to be ashamed of.
We are taking the baby steps necessary to make it better for all. KNOW YOU HAVE A SAFE SPACE IN PROSAF.
If you are interested in finding out more information about sexual violence and what you can do as part of this community, please feel free to contact us at:
Souyenne Dathorne, Velika Lawrence
Email: [email protected] – [email protected]
Facebook: SURVIVING SEXUAL ABUSE IN THE CARIBBEAN: https://www.facebook.com/pages/PROSAF-Surviving-Sexual-Abuse-in-the-Caribbean/165341356853908
Webpage: http://www.prosaf.org (under construction)
Telephone: 1-758-724-9991(sue) 1-758-723-6466(vel)