WE find it difficult to ask the important questions. We seem unwilling to delve into difficult/sensitive issues. Instead, we sit back and pretend that things are not as they appear. Sexual Assault is a very real part of the world we live in, yet we prefer to pretend it either doesn’t exist or isn’t a big problem. According to the Rainn website 1 in 6 women and 1 in 33 men will have experienced a completed or attempted rape in their lifetime. (Rainn.org). This is a very daunting statistic. These statistics go to show how much of a problem sexual assault is and while the figures above pertain to the US, we have some indication of the magnitude of the problem. Sexual Assault is one of the most under-reported crimes, which means that the statistics only give part of the true picture of the number of sexual assaults that truly occur. It is convenient for us when we refuse to face the harsh realities of life, when in some instances, we don’t have to think about our part to play in crimes of this nature. I am not in any way blaming the survivors/victims as there is nothing that could’ve been done to prevent the act. I am blaming those in their lives who know something is going on, who have witnessed something that made them question what is happening behind closed doors, yet do nothing. We create a neighborhood watch to prevent crimes of theft but ignore crimes of sexual assault, when a person’s life is being stolen, when their choice is being taken from them, we say what happens behind closed doors isn’t my business. We all continue to pretend nothing is happening.
We tend to vehemently deny that someone who has been accused of sexual violence is innocent. We find it easier to believe/pretend that the individual doing the accusing is lying. I am asking those who take the side of the offender: How do you always find it easier to believe the accused, rather than the accusee? I am asking those who don’t support survivors, who blame them for what they could neither stop nor control, how do you think they could have stopped the attack, what do you think they could have done to cause it? Sexual Assault happens when an individual chooses to ignore a person’s pleas, their personal boundaries, their NO, when they choose to take advantage of someone incapable of saying NO, when the victim/survivor is put in a position where they don’t feel they can say NO. We cannot blame the survivor as there is nothing that one does to warrant being molested, raped, fondled or sexually abused in any way. So many of us tend to live in our own little bubble unconcerned by what is happening to those around us. We worry only about ourselves; how will I be seen if I admit that my son, husband, daughter, wife, brother, sister etc. is a rapist? We worry about people judging us and never take time to reflect on what the survivor/victim has just lived through. You are to blame if you keep this quiet, you are to blame if you let someone who sexually assaults roam freely, you are to blame when you take the side of the offender and blame the victim, you are too blame when you take the approach that what happens behind closed doors isn’t your business. You see, ignorance is bliss until you are the one being affected and then you quickly blame those around you who knew and did nothing, who saw and said nothing, you blame and are hurt by the fact that no one did anything to help you when you needed help the most.
Surviving sexual violence isn’t easy. Getting through each day is difficult. The blame one places on themselves is great. This is always compounded with the blame others place on them, which is at times, too much to bear. Addressing sexual assault is not going to be easy, so many of us are uncomfortable speaking about the topic. But the only way forward is speaking about it, understanding that it is part of our reality and figuring out how to begin addressing it. We are not powerless in this. We have a chance to educate our children and ourselves, we have a chance to demand that better laws be enacted to punish perpetrators of these crimes, we have a chance to build a great support system to help those who are being abused. We have a chance to help make the road to recovery easier. Let us be the pioneers for change regarding Sexual Assault in the Caribbean. Join us at PROSAF to begin.
Survivors of sexual assault need a supportive environment to begin the healing process. They need to believe and feel that they are part of a culture that doesn’t support individuals who commit sexual crimes. We have to be the difference we want to see in our country. We have to be willing to start to make change. We, at PROSAF, have acknowledged that violence against women is a problem in St.Lucia and the wider Caribbean. We are here to begin the metamorphosis that is desperately needed. We are always here to listen and if you are not ready to come forward but need a listening ear, feel free to contact us. Remember that Sexual assault is something that happens to people, it does not define them, it is something that was done to them. Survivors, Victims, Thrivers remember you are a strong, beautiful, intelligent woman/child/man who has suffered a trauma through no fault of your own. You are not guilty of any crime, something was done to you against your will Sexual Assault is something that happened to you, it does not define you. You are worthy of love and happiness. Always remember that you are not alone, that you have nothing to be ashamed of. We are taking the baby steps necessary to make it better for all. KNOW YOU HAVE A SAFE SPACE IN PROSAF. If you are interested in finding out more information about sexual violence and what you can do as part of this community, please feel free to contact us at:
Yours Sincerely,
Souyenne Dathorne, Velika Lawrence
Email: [email protected] – [email protected]
Facebook: SURVIVING SEXUAL ABUSE IN THE CARIBBEAN: https://www.facebook.com/pages/PROSAF-Surviving-Sexual-Abuse-in-the-Caribbean/165341356853908
Webpage: http://www.prosaf.org (under construction)
Telephone: 1-758-724-9991(sue) 1-758-723-6466(vel)